"What if"...I died

I've talked about changing the past, not having a past, now I want to talk about: How would things turn out if I had no future. Talk about family, friends, that weird dream I have, and possibly where I predict where I would go (and why).

Just like not having a past, I think my family would be a little bit richer. My financial things aside, I honestly don't think my family will hold my dieing wish: I want my funeral to be a nice party, not a gloom-fest. They wouldn't allow that since it's not exactly traditional, I understand.

I've had dreams about this very thing. I call them dreams and not nightmares, because they are quite possible. In my dreams the variation of how many people attend to my funeral changes every time. Sometimes it's my immediate family, whole family, family and friends, whole family and friends, whole family & friends & online friends, whole family & friends & online friends & some people I've never seen before, and sometimes not a soul...not even the father to say h

The sad thing is, I think I would die in my sleep, and the worse thing about it, nobody would know until it's waaaay to late. My sisters usually leave the house at 8 and 9:30 am, and I usually get up around 10. So, if I had a heart attack or something, then they would find my cold dead body around 7pm when it's too late.

Plus they say there are five stages of death (for the person dying and also, for a griever): Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

Denial: I'm not having a heart attack/I'm not going to die/I'm too young to die?
Anger: Why the hell am I taken when others bigger than me are still living?
Bargaining: If you save my life, I'll promise to eat healthier and go to church every Sunday.
Depression: I haven't done everything I wanted in my life!
Acceptance: If it's my time, it's my time. Take me lord!

Sins & Confessions

April eigth, Easter. To commemorate this day, I'm going to do something that I haven't done in many years, and it's something that may bite my ass later on in the future. I'm going to confess to all my sins. Why online and not with a priest or my family? Because I'm a coward. A coward that still can't face his consequences for his actions. For the time being I'd rather confess to the anonymous faces of strangers in the internet rather than face the people I already know. How would this bite me in the ass (in the future)? Well, there's a slight chance that somebody I do know may come across this blog of mine and read all my confessions/secrets like what you are doing right now. For the time being, I hope that doesn't happen. But why am I doing this now? I have a heavy heart, and my conscience is full. I need to vent some way so I wouldn't be holding such a great burden.

Right now I'm going to confess all my sins, (since the last time I've had a confession, and that was during my First Communion) and at the end of each confession, I'm going to place in bold how that relates to one of the Deadly Sins and or one of the 10 Commandments (future notice: All confessions deal with "honor your parents" so I want to note that now instead of repeating myself later). We aren't perfect, and God knows that, but I just want to say this either way.

1: I've had sex with one person, and nobody else. How many times? To many to count. Did we use protection? Yes, however 100% of the time would be a lie, we used it more like 90% of the time. Has she ever had to take the "morning after pill"? Once when she honestly thought she was going to be pregnant (it's best to be more safe than sorry). I've lied countless times about my virginity and that has cost me even more lies to cover up ones I've already made. Lust, Adultery, and Lie

2: After I was booted out of college, I've returned many times to see my girl and my other friends. However, I've told my family that I was at her family's house in a different town, but instead I always (98% of the time) went to her apartment in the college I once attended. This confession is easily tied with the sex one above considering that's what we did whenever I arrived...that and drinking. Lust, Adultery, and Lie

3: As we all know, alcohol usually ties into sex, so this is no acception. When I was in college, I usually drunk with my friends (never heavily) and would have sex afterwards with my girl. Then after I was kicked out, I stole a bottle of rum from my parent's cabinet and brought it up. They had my future Brother-In-Law drive me back home (I was sorta nervous). After he dropped me off and left, I placed a new bottle in the cabinet and thought I was in the clear. However, it seems that my parents knew and that's why they sent him over. After that we had a "Familly Convention" about my stealing, drinking, and banishment from that college. I stopped stealing and didn't drink for well over nine months but I still continued to go up to see my girl behind my parents' backs. Lie, Greed, and Steal

4: After being kicked out, I knew I wasn't ready for college, however my parents wouldn't hear of this. So they enlisted me into the local Community College. The first few weeks I did attend class, but afterward, I just skipped class all together and spent time in the library (online) and watching TV until my parents picked me up. I felt horrible to have them drive back and forth all the time at night. Lie, and Sloth

5: I haven't (continuously) gone to church since I was 16 years old. Since then academy life has always been in the way, but of course that's my most used excuse. My other excuse would be pretending to sleep, be sick, or a combination of the two. When did I start being soo self centered that 1.5 hours of the week be spent on my God? I suppose I just wanted to be like everybody else and not go anywhere on Sunday. Even today I still don't go to church, though it is walking distance.Keep the Sabbath Holy, Lie, and Envy

6: What started off as a few nickels and dimes soon turned into quarters and dollars. When I first started stealing it was from a charity basket my mother had to save up for donation to give to some children in the D.R. What did I buy with that money? Junk food. Something to feed on my selfish gluttony and greed. So I stole from kids that had a less successful life than what I had. From quarters I started moving onto dollar bills from my father's wallet and my mother's purse. They work, and I am a sloth... I never deserved this money. Though I can't be proud of it, the most I've stolen at one given time was $20, and I've also stolen a few dollars from outside the family. And it's not only money, but food as well. I'd sneak in the middle of the night and eat food from the pantry that didn't belong to just me, but to the whole family. This has lead me to my overweight body that I have right now. But I can honestly say that I don't steal (food or money) from anybody anymore...I've been clean and on a diet for well over a year now.Steal, Lie, Gluttony, Greed,

7: Now here is something that I've been caught a few times well I wouldn't say "caught" but almost. Let's see there was the time I ordered pornography from our cable network and other times I bought a DVD, magazines, and watched online. When I should be doing something more important, I'm usually watching porn. I've learned my mistakes and now I delete my history. Yes, I still watch porn to this day. Lust and Lie

It seems to me that from the 7 Deadly Sins and the 10 commandments (17), there are only six things I haven't done. Wrath, Pride, Worship any other God, Make any Idols, Murder, and Covet. Or maybe I have done some wrath and pride but don't realize it. What exactly does Wrath and Pride mean?


While searching online to remind me what the 10 Commandments and 7 Deadly Sins are, I came upon this: The Seven Heavenly Virtues (I've never heard of this). They are as follows.
•Prudence
•Temperance
•Fortitude
•Justice
•Faith
•Hope
•Charity

And then I began to think to myself, if I've done an example of these virtues at least once in my life.
Prudence: Well I was a virgin for 18 years of my life...
Temperance: Long fuse, small bomb. I usually don't get angry at people.
Fortitude: Take a look at my confessions...I'm quite weak.
Justice: Hard to make justice when I had commit the crime. I suppose saying your confession and taking the consequence head on is justice.
Faith: I still have faith, I just question some part of it with science...
Hope: I have plenty of hope...and more faith if my hopes came true.
Charity: I donate used clothes and money to the needy every year.

The last thing I want to talk about is rather interesting. While searching online, I also found this trailer for a new movie called "The Reaping" which is about a town in the south that is experiencing all the 10 Plagues of God. For those of you who need a little reminder, the 10 plagues are:

1. Water turns into blood
2. Frogs fall from the sky
3. Lice
4. Wild animals
5. Diseased on livestock
6. Unhealable boils
7. Hail mixed with fire
8. Locusts block out the sun
9. Darkness
10. Death of the firstborn

So I began to think...this isn't the first time they've incorporated something from the bible into a movie. Just take a look at The Matrix, Children of Men, Day After Tommarow, and humorously Dogma. And when that thought came, I also came to think about "What if God were to update his plagues of wrath? How would they differ from the one held in Egypt?". So I've created an updated "Plagues of God" of my own.

1. Water into Dead Sea. All bodies of water will become severely salted like the Dead Sea. Not only will this kill all aquatic life forms, but their blood will emerge (so it would sorta be like "Water turns into Blood"), but it will also not make water drinkable.

2. Snakes fall from the Sky. Who's afraid of frogs? What can frogs do? Snakes have been portraited in the Bible a few times, so why not bring them back into play (plus people are more afraid of them than frogs).

3. Lice/Black Plague. I want the lice to stay, however have them be infected with the Bubonic Plague.

4. Wild Animals. I also want them to stay, however all animals (trained, domestic, and wild animals) will run rampant in human territory and attack all humans a like. For centuries now animals have been "below the food chain" of humans, so why not have them show are truly are the top of the food chain.

5. Mad Cow/ Bird Flu/ Mercury Poisoning. This is the replacement to the Diseased animals. I suppose I really didn't change it, just updated it with diseases that we're dealing with today.

6. HIV/ AIDs/ Cancer: Unhealable boils and leopardsy(sp?) are things of the past, why not give people the new "IT" thing?

7. Meteorites. The Bible said "Hail mixed with fire"...doesn't that sorta sound like meteorites to you? Upon going through the Earth's atmosphere the meteorites burn up, and when it hits the ground after a while it cools down. So it's quite possible that people thought the Fire engulfed hail were meteorites but I just wanted to make sure either way.

8. Large Heatwave. The "old" plague had locusts that would eat away crops. Well with the water turned into blood, why not give the humans an even harder time to survive by making the sun way too hot to withstand. This would also destroy crops...

9. Technology Bust. All technology stops working. Cities won't have power, and hospitals (where most people who have been injured the past few days) will be a place of death.

10. Death of all newborns. Any child that's suppose to be born on this day will die. If the plagues lasted longer than a day each, I'd probably suggest that all women would be infertile for awhile (got the idea from the movie Children of Men).



If you want to leave a comment, please do not comment on the sins I've commited, but feel free to comment (or even confess) on anything else.

Wow, my conscience feels a little bit better already.